Waiting for Lunchtime

It's a national emergency! Don't panic!

So apparently the Evil Terrorists [tm] have been at it again, this time planning to blow up America-bound aeroplanes with Coke bottles full of liquid explosive or something.

Even more shockingly, the new official government terror alert has been raised to its highest level, which is CRITICAL according to the Government Intelligence (ha!) website. It's all terribly worrying of course, so I think instead of the existing levels we ought to have some less scary, far more, well, British ones.

So without further ado, here's my suggestions:

1. LOW - Nothing to see here, please move down the bus.
2. MODERATE - Best put the kettle on.
   
3. SUBSTANTIAL - I hate to be a nuisance, but would you mind awfully blowing yourself up somewhere else.
   
4. SEVERE - Better go and have a little lie-down.
   
5. CRITICAL - I say chaps, this is all getting a little bit worrying really.

Of course if something actually happens (as opposed to it not happening), everyone goes into the top secret and unpublished "STAGE 6 - Steady on, that's just not cricket old boy. We'd better all just sit down and have a cup of tea till this all blows over."

posted by Iain @ 10:38